An Interview With Fang
by RawrFangMonster
Summary: Yes, it's another one of those interview fics. But I hope this one's funny. Fang's being uncooperative. And the flock aren't helping. Plus the journalist ends up...dead.


Look, it's another one of those tiresome interview fics. Nevertheless, I was inspired when I thought up Fang's first line. I felt I needed to fulfil the urge. Heh, heh, sounds kinda dirty.

Anyway, hope you like.

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**Disclaimer:** Hmm, it's time for a 'funny' and/or 'witty' disclaimer. I know, I'll do what everyone else does, save a few original minds. I own a scrubby eraser, a blunt pencil, and heaps of junk. None of this (other than the copies of the ever-present books) resembles in any way the Maximum Ride um, whatchamacallin'. Series, franchise, um, you get it.

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Er, also slight profanity alert. No F-bombs, but quite a few Ws -grins mischievously- -winks-

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An Interview With Fang

(Flock present)

Journalist (Mark Riley): Why, hello Fang, how are you and the flock?

Fang: -suspiciously- How do you know my name? And what do you know about the flock?

MR: Do you know James Patterson?

Fang: Yeah. Answer the question.

MR: Well, he asked me to do an interview with each of the flock, after giving me a quick background. So, I know a bit about you, but I want you to tell me more.

Iggy: -snickers- -mutters under breath- Not freaking likely.

Max: Yeah, good luck with getting Fang to talk, we can't do it.

Iggy: -snickers- Well, not _everyone._

Max: -scowls- Thin ice, Ig, thin ice.

MR: Anyway, back to the interview. Fang, what's it like having wings?

Fang: -sarcastically- Kinda like having arms.

MR: I mean, how do they change your lifestyle?

Fang: Apart from the 'on the run' part? Well, I can never live and intermingle with normal humans.

MR: Does this bother you?

Fang: -gives a Look- No. I'd have to deal with idiots like you. Hang on, I do that anyway. -glares-

MR: Well. -lost for words- Um, can you fly?

Fang: Wow, that quick chat with Jimmy Patts wasn't very helpful, was it? No, I can't fly.

MR: So what do you use your wings for?

Fang: They make me feel pretty.

MR: Really?

Fang: -sigh- Do you make any money? 'Cause if I employed you, I'd drop you as quick as I could. _Of course I can fly._

MR: Oh. So what does flying feel like?

Fang: It's annoying really. Sort of like talking to you. Like sticking pins in my eyes.

MR: Really?

Fang: -give a second Look- Is that all you can say? Nevermind. No, flying is both brilliant, and a thing you'll never do.

MR: Well, _duh_, I don't have wings.

Fang: -sighs- -turns to Max- Can I go now?

Max: No, we promised.

Fang: _You _promised. I didn't agree to anything. And he's a wanker. -glares at wanker-

Max: Will this help? -kisses Fang-

Fang: No, you'll have to do it again. -almost smiles-

Max: -rolls eyes- -kisses again- How about now?

Fang: -mumbles- Yeah. -sighs-

MR: So, are you and Max a couple?

Fang: -gives third Look- -sarcastically- No, I just kissed my sister.

MR: Whatever. -getting very fed up with uncooperative birdboy- So you're not gay?

Fang: No! -glares-

MR: But you are emo, right?

Fang: -glares- I am NOT emo. And I never will.

MR: But the whole black wardrobe thing is very emo, don'tcha think?

Flock: -cowers in preparation for Fang's wrath- -trying to contain laughter-

Fang: -glares- I repeat. I AM NOT EMO.

MR: But people think.... -trails off, realising this is a bad idea-

Fang: -sinisterly- People think _what_, exactly?

MR: Well, all the scars, wardrobe, and your blog's very much like a diary.... -trails off again, this time for effect-

Fang: -is now glaring continuously- You get raised in a dog crate being experimented on daily and come out untouched.

MR: You're admitting to be emo?

Fang: No, that's my excuse for mutilating you. -feint lunges at MR-

MR: -squeals in fright, before looking embarrassed, realising Fang was pulling his chain- Oh.

Fang: -smirks mirthlessly- Oh.

MR: Well, this wraps up our interview for today-

Fang: -murmurs- For_ever_.

MR: -So good luck to you and your flock. -presses stop on tape recorder-

Fang: What? A tape recorder? You were recording us? Give it here.

MR: Why? It's just what we talked about now.

Fang: B-but...um, uh....

Flock: -cracks up-

Nudge: You got Fang to stammer! Well done, Mr. Riley!

Fang: -glares at world- Save me now.

Iggy: I know what he's talking about. -sniggers-

Max: You know what? So do I.

Angel: -mind reads Max and Iggy. -giggles- Poor Fang.

Iggy: Regretting it now, huh, Fang?

Fang: -scowls- Whatever.

Nudge and Gazzy: -simultaneously- I don't get it. -smile- -look at each other- _We_ don't get it.

Iggy: Well- -cut off by Fang-

Fang: Guys, let's go.

Iggy: -frowns at Fang- As I was saying, Fang said something earlier, and boy does he wish he didn't.

Gazzy: What did he say?

Iggy: Remember 'They make me feel pretty'? That's what Fang's stressing over.

Fang: I am _not_ stressing over it. I was being _sarcastic_.

Iggy: Yeah, yeah, we know, you just feel so pretty. And witty. And gay. -cracks up in uncontrollable fits of laughter-

-aside from flock's laughter-

MR: -mutters- I need a holiday.

Fang: You and me both.

MR: Yeah, I'm sorry about before. Your low cooperation level was irritating me.

Fang: Well, this whole interview setup was pissing me off. I can't believe Max made me do it. No offence to you.

MR: None taken, none taken. My boss made me do this instead of an interview with Miley Cyrus. I've been looking forward to that interview for ages.

Fang: -says under breath- Well, I wonder why your boss let someone else handle the big guns? Probably avoiding an accident. Useless wanker.

MR: I heard that. Gay emo.

Fang: Excuse me? I just explained that I am neither gay nor emo. And that was childish.

MR: So are you.

Fang: My excuse is proper. I am a child.

MR: Childish gay emo.

Fang: -glares- Now, that's it. -lunges for real-

MR: -screams-

Flock: -wake up from laughter- -look at pair wrestling- -cheer on Fang, who's winning-

Max: FANG! Cut it out!

Fang: -stops immediately- -whines- But Max. I've been waiting to do that for the past hour. And he called me a- -stops, realising he'll never live it down-

Max: A what, Fang?

Angel: -mind reads Fang- -cracks up-

Fang: -sighs- A childish gay emo.

Max: -growls- -lunges at MR- You wanker! My boyfriend is NOT gay!

Iggy: -is unable to come up with a sarcastic remark as he is laughing too hard-

Gazzy: -is unable to ask questions as he is laughing too hard-

Angel: -is unable to read any minds as she is laughing too hard-

Nudge: -is unable to talk as she is laughing too hard-

Fang: -is helping Max, and definitely NOT laughing-

Max: -is still attacking MR, and not laughing either-

MR: -is dead-

Max: Oh crap. -to flock- Will you cut that out? We need to take this wanker away.

Nudge: Why?

Max: We need to bury him.

Nudge: Oh. Cool. Wanker!

Narrator: And that was the last time anyone ever heard of the flock again. They went into hiding, fearing jail.

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Ahh, it's out of my system. And I just noticed; Mark Riley has the same initials as Max Ride. Hope that didn't confuse anyone. I mean, it'd be slightly difficult to, but you never know.

R&R?


End file.
